1) He is unshaven, wears (an Abercrombie & Fitch/Aeropostale/Hollister/American Eagle) with the logos splashes all across in bold, is pursuing an MS, is a hardcore cynic/skeptic, cannot tolerate/appreciate a fellow's success/talent, will use every tool in his kitty to belittle/deride/pull someone down verbally and has a rice-filled plate. Every academic degree he bags ups his rate in the matrimonial market. He is very helpful, resourceful but, be warned, all this is at the cost of your self-respect. Even before you have retracted your hand out of a luke warm hand shake, he has had known your surname/region/sub-region/group and other such social tags. He could put court judges to shame. He is very well known for objective thinking, excels at it. He is not found in design schools, mass communication classes, economics schools, sociology/history/psychology schools, cutting-edge research labs. He has great respect for art; pure, commercial cinema, that is. He, ironically, has utter contempt for art cinema; anything for the brain and not below the waist is waste, "art cinema." Theatre/Photography/Crafts are for the jobless. If you find someone extremely articulate with a great sense of attire voicing out his opinion on life and the bigger picture and not relaying a general consensus on public fora on national TV, make no mistake it is not him. If he is into research, rest assured, he is sure of the results/goal. He shall never take the uncharted territory. He never ever fails. He is never ever allowed to fail. He cannot fail. He has never ever heard of dignity of labor. He believes in and propagates a caste system/hierarchy in degrees/professions. He has known your salary even before you run through your offer letter. He doesn't intellectualize stuff much, is usually fun to hang out with, is very social with a fantastic network and is never aloof. He can virtually get any job done in the market. Simple, straightforward. He is actually a confused soul looking to stitch together the pieces of his framework that actually is his identity but mercilessly trampled by the rest of the sheep. Accordingly, has one idol in cricket, a choice no one will dispute, and one idol in movies, a choice no one will dispute. Owing to his objectivity/fact-filled-database, you cannot win an argument with him. Education is very important for him, degrees I mean. That gives him respect and a standing in the society. He values success a lot and admires, respects, likes to hang around with the successful. He can justify all phenomena/acts/theories in hindsight/retrospect. His sentences end in itself/only; "yesterday only, yesterday itself."
2) He is outwardly simple in attire, unkempt/unshaven but different from #1, is bespectacled, looks like a geek, may be one, argues/can argue, debate/can debate till the dawn of the doomsday, connects everything to Dawkins/Rabindro Sangeet/Sen. (Amartya, not Sushmita!!) He goes weak at knees at the sight of a sweet or a Sweety. If you find someone extremely articulate with a great sense of attire voicing out his opinion on various aspects of life and the bigger picture and not relaying a general consensus on public fora on national TV, make no mistake, it is him. More often than not, "liberal" is his middle name. He has great respect for music/literature/fine arts in all forms. Theatre, Drama, Quizzing and Debating feature in his keywords list. For him cinema is Ray, Fellini, Ghatak, Godard, Kieslowski, Kurosawa, Bergman, Majidi, Gopalakrishnan and Kashyap. He can relate to infidelity, and your other orientations. The rebellious streak in him could take him to the level of being capable of changing the face of humanity. No jokes. Only if he decides to. Owing to his subjective thinking, and the god given ability to go on a complete tangent, you cannot win an argument with him. If you have friends at at NID, MICA, TISS, DSE, XLRI he/she could belong to #2. If someone has the knack of getting on to your nervous system, it is him, it is him, it is him.
3) He is a cynic first, rest everything follows. His cynicism/skepticism beats that of #1 hollow. He is a professor or into research at IISc., NCBS, JNCASR, and TIFR. He is usually on panels, committees along with #2 at business schools. He is usually silent but can get very vocal when agitated. He is extremely articulate and awes you with his subjective talk but should the situation demand it, can put #1 to shame with his objectivity. He has great respect for music/literature/fine arts in all forms. Theatre, Drama, Quizzing feature in his keywords list. He has a good eye for the visual. He will not talk to you further, if your first five/six sentences don't match up to his standards. With him, you cannot/shall not bullshit.
4) He is a thinker/engineer/economist/editor/systems engineer/US Senator/a left-arm orthodox spinner who has worked for Oracle/MRF/Indian Express/Hindustan Lever in the past. He is a well opinionated blogger, can wax eloquent on anything under the sun but don't expect him to bail you out of the soup you are in. You should have read the manual/rule book/encyclopedia/dictionary. He is not afraid, doesn't care for what society thinks of him, and can make time/space for his Vishnu Sahasranamam on his $20 million trip to the moon. No jokes.
5) He is different from the rest of his neighbors in every sense. Barring a geographical proximity, he shares nothing with his neighbors. In fact, he could lay claim to be living in a separate country. The older/aged version could be a high court judge, a high flying cabinet secretary, an RBI Governor, an ex-death metal band member. The younger version, if he is into rock music and is in Bombay, is without a doubt with a goatee/chin beard on his face below which is a Metallica tee with a loose-fit denim. He is 2X compared to #2 in rebellion. He will question anything and everything. He has an affinity for black, will wear black to weddings, preferably a fabindia, takes up fashionable causes and has a novel/book to his name. Dare not face him with coached/tutored answers or facts, as in the #1, he will cut you apart into pieces. If you have friends at St. Stephen's, St. Xavier's, Presidency he/she could belong to #5. Usually he has a sardonic smile on his face, and that says everything. After all he is god's child. The mothers in this land are quite unlike the mothers elsewhere.
6) He likes his city's climate; in fact all good things in his city are a function of the salubrious climate. He believes in amassing every tool that will lead to a comfortable life. He leads a very perfect, all-taken-care of kind of life. His father subscribes to either a The Hindu or an Indian Express. He doesn't mind that as long as he gets his share of the The Times of India. He has a bike to commute to his engineering college, lands a "good, respectable job" in the one of those "good, respectable companies," builds that perfect house on a 30 X 40 or a 60 X 40 plot, gets hold of a good "respectable car." He loves his morning breakfast, cannot wait for his evening snack; weekends are dedicated to visiting his other pieces of land and of course eating out, and doesn't mind eating out what he has eaten/eats at home. The cycle continues. He is usually not very controversial and is like a potato in a curry. He adds to the census.
7) He is the one you want to scared of/careful about. He is the proverbial no-nonsense variety. He is friendly but only after you are subjected to several rounds of his mental worthiness screenings. He will smile at you, and laugh with you only if he trusts you, or knows you. Otherwise if you are his geographical/polar opposite you are actually a fly/bug he so wants to crush to death. He loves an occasional Dosa (not pronounced "Dhosa," the way you usually and correctly do) and Saambhar (not the "Saambaar," you are used to) in a posh restaurant. He will not mind an oily puri for his breakfast and then bread-jam-butter tho hai hi. God has given fingers for something else you retards and not for eating food. He cannot think of eating if there is no metal tool in sight. He has to rip apart his staple food with both his hands even if that is as delicate as your (*insert your choice of expression*). He has to make tiny chunks of that bread, fold those chunks into edible bites with both his hands in a manner that resembles a Hyderabadi pan wallah. I am not kidding. Okay there exists an alternative. One hand holds the gravy-filled spoon at an angle to the plate, the other hand gently slides the bread to the spoon, lifts the gravy and the rest is obvious. Usually his plate has one dry curry, one gravy-based counterpart, two-three breads, one watery dal and an occasional slice of an onion/cucumber/tomato. Okay, I forgot, a cup of rice with a regret. He doesn't mind working elsewhere but will religiously, over the weekend, head straight to the nearest theatre playing an achhi picture by Karan Johar/Aditya Chopra/Yash Chopra, and round it off with a garmagaram Parantha. (Not parotta/parota, you dimwits). Like his father who has worked for BHEL, TATA, Reliance, Hero Cycles, NTPC, OIL, GAIL, SAIL, Govt. of India he also believes in a conventional, respectable line of work with a nice degree next to his name, preferably an aM.B.A not an eM.B.A. Since he is not like avryb'dy (everybody, for the retards), he will want to go to IIT first. If, Vaishnodevi forbid, he doesn't make it to an IIT, he will wash off the sins by appearing for CAT but not until having worked for an achhi company elsewhere for 2-3 years. Okay, again, if he doesn't think like avryb'dy, he will "sit for" a civil services exam to get into a respectable IAS and swears by travelling in a Rajdhani, or a Shatabdi. He doesn't believe in plurals. All car that we saw were good. His gods start and end with Krishn, Ramji. Who are Raghavendra Swami, Alamelu and Aandaal??!??
