bina umeed ke

So recently Scotty's owner posed a question in return as to how I had (if I had) changed over years. I held myself back then.

For good or bad I have remained the same. gulp! In fact, I did mention that I find it silly/naive when someone notices, "oh! you haven't changed at all." But yes, my ideas though haven't seen much of a drift, the quantum of my beliefs has increased.

I'd like to think that a bit of clarity has set in. I have never questioned motives, intentions, actions, principles, beliefs and the like. I just took them for what they are/were. Now there has only been a surge in that feeling. I still take things for what they are. I try real hard, and I think I am fairly successful at not being weighed down by any sort of dogmas. There is no single way to go about in life, there is no right or wrong. I might not agree with what you say, what you do but then I will still sport a smile and offer you a hug. Sometimes I find it hard to understand a few actions. But the nice person in me immediately brings me back to my senses. I accommodate. I don't make a big deal about it. I smile. I move on. I have never ever argued about subjective matters. I still don't. I try to listen. In fact there is a dirty curiosity to know what people feel about something I feel strongly about. I want people to talk. When prodded, I offer my stance. Then I shut up. I only and only extend it with people who I have agreed to disagree with respectfully. I am lucky to have found a few people who make it happen. I have always been thankful. I am grateful to god. I try to make all this look seamless. I try. I have always lived my life on various levels. (I think almost everyone does, and just that some are aware) When I switch levels and how I do it, I don't know. I still do that. I think one lifetime is just not enough. I am no celebrity or a star but yes, I am in a race with myself. I want to take all that life has to offer. Good, bad, ugly. I just hope I am strong enough to take things as they are. I don't take anything for granted. Touchwood, never will I. That stops growth. I have always liked things to be organic. I still like it that way. Just that I can express it better now. Sometimes I fail. But make no mistake, it's in my head. I like to keep all my senses open. That, I think, is the right way to enjoy life. This might not have reflected in my actions so far. But I don't care. I know what's going on in my head.

Expectations is a big bitch. I have come to realize the fewer they are, the happier one is. Happiness is very very very personal. It is tough to accept this. When there are so many scales out there.

I believe in the grand design. From the time the first bacteria cast its print on this earth till the last entity that will walk this planet, every single action, every single process, every single phenomenon, every single event of every single organism is intertwined/pre-determined in a direct or indirect way. Sometimes this is obvious. Sometimes it is so mindfuckingly mind boggling that our mere brains cannot comprehend it. Things are the way they are and the way they were meant to be. There is no alternative. There is no second way. It had to be this way. Whether you or I like it or not, agree to or not. It doesn't matter. That's why I believe there is no place for "if" in life. "If you had selected Harbhajan Singh, our team wouldn't have lost the game." "If you had started much earlier, you wouldn't have met with the accident." It is utterly foolish to think that things happen in isolation. Or that you can effect changes in isolation. For that to happen one would have had to freeze all people in their motions or actions. That is not possible. The success of an event is dependent on a million things. Sometimes they are apparent and visible. Funnily, most of the times they are not. In the latter scenario, god forbid if we achieve success, we are fooled into thinking that a single person or a small group can take credit for that. It is not that way. Wait a second! at least I think so.

In a huge huge circle called Life, we have confined ourselves to a minuscule dot. We call it life. Funny. We are concerned with birth, education, security, jobs, fashion, love, stock markets, perceptions, images, premises, governments, beliefs, religion, politics, ration cards, rising fuel costs, PhDs, recession, depression, expectations, tornadoes, right wing, left wing, liberals, fundamental, fundamentalism, Obama, reforms, strategy, plans, live-for-the moment, Mallika Sherawat's breasts, MBA, Sachin Tendulkar's willow, MacBooks, originality, Anu Malik, travel, mysteries, marriage, wedding, philosophies, shopping, lampshades, lemonades and what not. All this is important. Particularly, MacBooks. But I think there is much much more. Not within this dot. In the huge circle I talked about.

I will continue.

............I hope I haven't disappointed Scotty's owner. Scotty is one lucky bitch, I say.